Don’t tell me what to do unless we’re in bed together

horizonsirens:

the-angels-have-teslas-at-221b:

parenting tip

making fun of your kid for enjoying the things they enjoy is the quickest way to make them feel so completely isolated from you that they are more comfortable talking to strangers on the internet than you about their problems

THIS

the13thchair:

That burrito bowl must be filled with passion and embarrassing memories.  What the…?

the13thchair:

That burrito bowl must be filled with passion and embarrassing memories. What the…?

santanist:

what do you mean orange chicken isnt a fruit

kricketot:

*favorite character dies*

image

spermbanker:

charmander-isthe-bomb:

spermbanker:

wow you have very nice looking hands…… i bet they would look even better wrapped up in mine…..

or around my dick

or clasped together in prayer askin god to help you see the error of your ways

"You seem real pretty. And I ain’t talking bout how you look, I’m talking about your vibe. Your vibe is pretty."
Kid Cudi (via celestinevibes)

burgerkid:

when people say bad things about your best friendimage

"If on your next first date, you realize she has my laughter, don’t call me. If you wake up to watch the sunrise and remember that we planned on watching it together, don’t call me. When she spends the night with you for the first time and you roll over to put your arm around her and forget that it’s her, not me, do not call. When you dial my number because you’re drunk and I’m the only thing that ever sobered you up, don’t you dare fucking call me. When you receive an invitation announcing my upcoming wedding, for the love of God, don’t call me. Please don’t show up. I did it to spite you. I even kept our colors. I hope it pierces you through the chest to read those words. I hope she asks why you’re losing your mind. I hope you have to explain every single detail. I hope it breaks you down to the core. But I don’t care what happens, do not call me."
Your number is blocked anyway (via m0unt-diabl0)